


All or Nothing

by Starlinghue



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Communication, Feelings Realization, Fix-It of Sorts, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Propositions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 19:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlinghue/pseuds/Starlinghue
Summary: Jane comes to the realization that she does, in fact, have two hands.(Set almost directly after S5E4)





	All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> _I like you, and I loved him_  
>  _we could all be the best kind of friends._  
>  — In The Middle, Dodie Clark

Jane lay awake, staring at her bedroom ceiling and tracing her eyes over the familiar patterns and cracks, desperate for a distraction. Her mind was teeming with thoughts, and overwhelmed with memories she'd buried long ago to spare herself any pain.

Yet here she was, hurt again. Her chest ached, like someone had punched a hole right through her. Not someone— _Raphael_. Raphael had hurt her. After everything that had happened, he told her to leave. Jane was still trying to recover from the shock of her husband rising from the grave. There had barely been any time to adjust to that information before she realized that he had never really come back, and in his place stood a stranger from Montana. And then, just when she was getting used to Jason, suddenly he was gone, too.

Well, not gone. Just fused with Michael. Her Michael. _Alive_.

Raphael had brought him back to her. He must have known what it could have meant. He must have believed that she would choose him this time. Jane wanted to. She wanted her happy ending with Raphael, a future with Mateo growing up with both of his parents, more than anything in the world. But she also wanted all of that with Michael. She had never stopped wanting that with Michael, even though fate had interrupted them in the cruelest of ways. Still, that didn't mean she wanted her future with Raphael any less.

Jane thought of the profound sadness in his eyes as he had asked her to leave. She thought of Mateo, firmly wrapped in his arms, and it honestly felt as though she had been ripped in half. The idea made her laugh quietly to herself, in a pained kind of way. She thought that maybe, if she were split in two, then she wouldn't have to decide between them.

Suddenly, Jane felt like she was twenty-one all over again. Why _did_ she have to choose? No matter what the outcome, someone would get hurt, and she would lose a part of herself along the way.

She couldn't lose Michael again— that much she was already sure of. But she couldn't sacrifice her future with Raphael, either. The truth was, she wanted them both.

Jane was so startled by that sudden burst of clarity that she jolted out of bed, scrambling to get ahold of her phone. It wasn't like she would be sleeping, anyways. Ignoring all of the missed texts and various app alerts, she began typing frantically into the search bar. 

_Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?_

 

\--

 

She went to Michael first. It felt like a betrayal, in some small sense, but Jane knew that Raphael wanted space until she gave him a firm answer, and breaching such a risky topic immediately after he pushed her away would be indelicate, to say the least.

So, she found herself sitting in one of the Marbella's well furnished rooms, with Michael's knees brushing against her own on on the sofa. When he looked at her— so full of love, adoration, and longing— Jane nearly wavered.

What if this only made things worse? The idea of upsetting him any more than she already had was nearly unbearable.

“Jane, I can tell that you came here to talk about something else.” Michael said quietly, interrupting her in the middle of her awkward spiel of the previous night's events, the genuine worry she held for her mother's health seeping through.

She cleared her throat, and looked at the floor. Her hands found Michael's in the space between the two of them, and their fingers wove together without hesitation. It didn't feel like touching a stranger. Michael's hand felt familiar. That only bolstered her forward.

“I've been doing some research.” Jane forced herself to smile to hide her nerves. Michael smiled back, all too knowing. It nearly broke her heart, she had missed him so much.

“About what?” He asked this carefully, but Jane got the sense that he already knew from the way he was looking at her, with a crooked smile and his eyes full of fondness.

She squeezed his hands. “What I have with Raphael, now— it's good. It's amazing, really, considering just how far we've come. But I can't pretend I don't still love you. I've loved you the whole time, and I had to lock it all away so it wouldn't hurt so much. For years, I've been loving both of you.”

Michael nodded, still smiling. His eyes were glossy with tears, and Jane blinked away a few of her own.

“I can't choose,” she whispered, unable to bring herself to make the pitch. “Don't make me choose.”

Michael leaned forward, but didn't kiss her. He gently rested his forehead against her own, his smile falling but his face remaining open, and kind. “I love you, Jane. You're my person. If that means that I have to share you, then honestly, I'm okay with that. I'll take every second that I can get.”

Five years ago, neither of them could have ever fathomed that Michael would have been capable of saying such a thing. Jane found herself sobbing, leaning against him, unable to reach out and touch him as much as she desperately wanted to. They couldn't, yet. Not without Raphael. 

“What if he—” Jane faltered on her own words, having been so momentarily relieved that she had forgotten that she was only halfway through this conversation. “What if Raph thinks it's too much? What should I do?”

“You’ll figure it out.” Michael brought her in for a hug, their hands pressed together between their chests, and Jane's heart broke all over again. “I'm with you. If you don't want to talk to him alone, then I'll be there.”

Jane pulled back. “No, I should definitely be alone with him when I tell him. There should be no chance of Mateo running in, either. I just hope he doesn't get so upset that he never speaks to me again.”

Michael kissed her hands before letting them go. “He won't. If he really loves you, then he'll hear you out.”

“I hope so.” Jane sighed.

 

\--

 

It took a few days and a lot of planning to get Raphael on his own. Mateo was away at school, and would be going to Jane's parents’ house afterwards. Raphael was done showing his listings for the day, and Jane was leaning against their kitchen counter like it was her last pillar of support in a crumbling wasteland.

He asked her if she had made a decision yet, his face ridden with guilt and pain, and Jane squared her shoulders and told him that she had.

“I love you both,” she stuck her chin up defiantly. “And if you really, truly love me, you'll accept that it’s impossible for me to choose. I can't lose either of you again.”

Raphael opened his mouth and then closed it. His face went through a myriad of emotions, ranging from fear, anger, sadness, and confusion. After nearly a minute of stunned silence, he finally spoke: “What?”

Jane took advantage of his bewilderment to appear more level-headed. She pressed on, confidentially. “Have you ever heard of polyamorous relationships?”

Raphael blinked.

 

\--

 

“This is a very unconventional thing for a devout Catholic to suggest, you know.” Raphael said, hours later and three nervous drinks in. He'd almost stormed out of the apartment a few times during that long, painful conversation, but the more Jane explained it, the more thorough and emotional she got with every word, the more Raphael had started to calm down.

Now, they were sitting together on their couch, and it was not unlike she had been with Michael the other day. Michael, who Jane had just texted. Michael, who was on his way over.

Raphael pinched the bridge of his nose. “Run this by me one more time.”

“I'd be with both of you. I'd still live with you, still grow old with you. Maybe we'd even have more children. But Michael would be here with me. With us. It wouldn't really be all that different than what we already have going on with Petra. It would just be more romantic.”

“Except that you're still married to Michael.” Raphael muttered. “So what does that make me? The mistress?”

“No, because Michael knows about you. We'd have total, open communication, all three of us. It'll be tough, but it's the only way I can be with either of you without falling apart. I can't lose what I have with you both.”

Raphael flinched a little. “You were with me before, Jane. We were happy.”

“I thought he was _dead,_ Raph. That doesn't mean I stopped loving him.” Jane shook her head, and reached for Raphael's wrist. “I want to be married to you, too, even if it's not on paper. I know it's a little greedy, but fuck it. I don't care. If I lose either of you, I'm incomplete.”

Raphael sighed, long and heavy. "Jane, I want to believe you when you say you love us equally, but in the past, you chose him over me again, and again. What's so different about that this time?”

Jane's grip on him tightened, and he looked at her. She smiled for him, tight and pained, bordering on more tears. “This time I'm finally being smart.”

Michael showed up a few minutes later, looking nervous and sincere. He and Raphael exchanged awkward nods of acknowledgement as he came into the apartment, and Jane scoffed at them. 

“No, none of that. You two need to air out all your differences here and now. This won't work if you keep resenting each other.”

So they stood, facing each other in a kind of triangle at different ends of the room, and they talked. Raphael said quite a lot at first, about the fear of being left out, and being second best. He crossed his arms over his chest, as he often did when he was getting uncomfortable and holding himself back, and Jane encouraged him to keep going. Eventually, he spoke up about how scared he was, scared of losing what he had with Jane, scared to introduce anything new into it because it could irreparably fuck things up.

“You brought me back.” Michael finally interrupted him, then. “Even when you had everything you could ever want, you still brought me back. Why?”

Raphael's face reddened. He looked at Jane, helpless. “How could I forgive myself if I kept that a secret? You were— I couldn't do that. To either of you.”

“Exactly.” Michael stepped closer to the middle of the room, finally looking relaxed. “You knew what it meant, bringing me back. I'll always be grateful that you did. I know that I said some things, when I forgot who I was, but I just want you to know that I don't want to break you and Jane up. You're a family, you've built a life together and I respect that. I'm just asking if it's okay for me to be a part of it."

Raphael didn't move forward, but he lost all tension in his stance. His eyes were wide and earnest, and Jane could tell he was finally looking at Michael in a new light.

"It's not going to be easy," Jane found herself repeating. "Explaining it to Mateo, to my family, to _Petra_ even— that's probably going to be the hardest part, but it's better than the alternative. Would either of you really be happy, knowing that I was sacrificing half of my heart to choose one of you over the other?"

Michael shook his head at once, shooting a soft smile her way. After a moment, Raphael's shoulders sagged completely, and he took a step towards the center of the room.

"Of course not," he said quietly, and then he looked a little startled, as if he was finally realizing that he really meant that. "Okay, so I guess we're doing this."

Jane moved to stand between the two men she was in love with, holding a hand out for each of them. Michael took her hand at once, but Raphael hesitated.

"Wait a minute." He whispered, and then he hurried across the room. Jane's breath hitched as she realized what he was doing, and her suspicions were confirmed when he returned holding a small, pink, velvet box in his hand. She and Raphael exchanged a meaningful look before she turned to Michael, and they were both a little surprised to find that he was smiling.

"Go on," Michael said encouragingly. "It's only fair."

Raphael got down on one knee. Jane felt more tears swimming in her eyes as she watched him open the box, revealing a tiny, perfect ring. Michael squeezed her right hand as Raphael reached out for her left. The wedding band that Michael had giiven to her was still hanging around her neck.

"Jane—" Raphael started, but she cut him off, leaning down and kissing him, smiling to the point where it hurt her cheeks.

"Yes," she answered, and kissed him again twice before pulling away. "Yes, obviously."

"Okay," he laughed softly, and slid the ring into her finger. "I love you."

"And I love _you_." Jane murmured, admiring both him and the ring with the fondest of smiles. She turned, just slightly, to check if Michael wasl okay with all of this. He squeezed her hand again to let her know that he was.

"This sure if different." Raphael stated, looking up at both of them, still kneeling on the floor.

"But not terrible, right?" Jane asked, worriedly.

"No," Raph got to his feet, and cradled her face with his free hand, as the other one had become quite entangled with Jane's own. "This is far from terrible."

Michael had moved in closer, and he kissed the top of Jane's head, as if silently agreeing. Raphael didn't seem to mind this at all. In fact, he smiled, and though it was a little tight and anxious, it was still reassuring.

"We'll figure it out," Jane said firmly, and she held both their hands tight. "From now on, we're a team."

"Agreed." Michael said, and then he held out his free hand, like he was expecting Raphael to shake it.

Hesitantly, Raphael took his hand, but he didn't shake. He just held on, staring at Michael quizzically. "Does this mean we're a thing, too?"

Michael's eyes widened, and a startled laugh escaped him. "Well, now that you mention it, Jason— I guess I— identified as bi, actually."

"What?" Jane gasped, spinning to stare at him.

Michael shrugged. "I was going to tell you eventually. I mean, I'm in love with Jane, but you're a good person, Raphael. Good looking, too. I wouldn't mind, if you wanted to try that out."

Raphael balked, completely flustered. "Uh, wow okay. I mean, it's not like I've never _tried_ anything. I've been with guys—"

Jane, still shocked from the Jason bombshell, turned in surprise. " _What?_ " 

"College," Raphael said meaningfully, like it explained everything. Jane made an expression to indicate that it didn't. "Maybe this needs to be a longer conversation."

Michael nodded, and Jane elbowed both of them. "We are definitely circling back to this. But for now, is it safe to say we've worked out the fact that you're both my husbands?"

She stopped herself before a giddy laugh escaped her. It was all so new. It was all so _weird_.

"I'm just an illegitimate fiancé, technically." Raphael corrected.

"We're all in a relationship." Michael added declaratively. "That's what matters. We're with you, Jane."

"Right." Raphael added, a little competitively. "For the long haul."

"Good," Jane sighed, and then she kissed Raphael quickly. "I love you both so much."

He smiled back at her, and this time, it didn't look forced. Turning to Michael, Jane felt her heart weighing heavily in her chest. This would be their first kiss— their first _real_ kiss— since he had come back. When their lips met, it was like a broken pieces of her soul had been stitched back together. She felt whole again.

Kissing Michael while holding Raphael's hand her own, with both of them pressed up against her at all sides, it felt good. It felt more than good. For the first time in years, Jane Gloriana Villanueva felt blissfully safe, and truly, irrevocably happy.


End file.
